The Dream Merchant by Fred Waitzkin

Author:Fred Waitzkin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: St. Martin’s Press

19.

Ava offered the great comedian respite and a degree of pleasure he could not have imagined, but Lenny Bruce couldn’t shake off his demons. By the time she met him, pain and degradation had taken over his life. When Lenny was feeling confident about Ava he wanted to show her the whole misery. It was a test. Several times he pressed her to come to his hotel room in Montreal, although she was uneasy about these visits. The sparse room seemed to resonate with bad encounters.

One night he hadn’t bothered to hide his works—he wanted her to see—and she tried to avert her eyes. He wanted her to try smack. He’d made the suggestion before, but that’s where Ava drew the line. He badgered her. He took her hand and tried to pull her balking like a mule into the bathroom. Okay, okay, then watch me, at least. Lenny’s voice turned unctuous and pleading: Honey liked to watch. It turned her on. Lenny imitated pumping the syringe in and out as though it were sex. Ava didn’t know whether to run or stay. She followed him like a ghost.

Sitting on the toilet in his underpants, he looked sickly thin, and his skin was green and pasty in the dim fluorescent light. He was frantically jabbing his callused veins for a hit. She turned away trying not to gag. Just give it a chance, he whined, looking back over his shoulder. Lenny was so out of whack—how could he think she would like this? Afterwards, there was blood spattered on the tile floor. His lips were turning blue and the needle was still hanging from his vein. Ava pulled it out. She threw some towels down on the blood while he stumbled into the bedroom.

She wanted to drive back to the farm, but Ava waited until he came around. He didn’t want her to go. It was too late to drive thirty miles. And Lenny was pining for her as though she were his mother and his lost wife, and all of his regret. He was so raw and pathetic, no holding back. Manic bursts of ideas came out, tears welling up, maybe for his junkie wife wandering the streets. Ava hadn’t seen him like this. Whole dialogues and different voices came out of Lenny, shards of old routines, and she laughed and cried, but she couldn’t touch him. Then he drifted off, nodding to dreamy jazz. He started humming, but she didn’t recognize the tune. Do you get it, baby? he whispered hoarsely. Do you get it? Do you get it? She wasn’t sure. Do you love me? He opened his eyes a little and tried to find her. Do you really love me? She nodded sadly. He’d put the whole mess on the table. His eyes were set way back in dark tunnels. One of them wasn’t focusing and the whole right side of Lenny’s face was slack. He seemed to be asking, Can you handle this?

Okay, not forever. Not forever, he said.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.